A Million Little Paper Cuts
by Fangirl5eva
Summary: Alec and Magnus come home after a meeting with the council.
1. A Million Little Paper Cuts

**A Million Little Paper Cuts – A Malec Fan Fiction**

**Authors Note: this is my first time writing a fanfic, soo... yeah, don't judge!**

"I can't believe they did that to you while you were talking!" Magnus said, rage seeping into his voice.

"Honestly, its fine, I've gotten used to it now." A sullen Alec replied, as they entered his boyfriends' apartment. Obviously it wasn't ok, every time he tries to speak in front of the conclave; they either ignore him or cut him off mid speech. But he couldn't actually say that to Magnus, he'd go crazy and probably cover them all in glitter for eternity. _No_, he thought, _it' better to act like it doesn't affect him._ "It's like I said to Izzy, it's not like a stab wound you can protect me from, it's a million little paper cuts everyday – and you can't stop people from getting paper cuts. They just have to suck it up and move on."

"Is that really how you feel, Alec dear?"

"It just feels like no one wants to help me, or even know me."

"Well I'm always here for you, and I always will be."

At that a pang of guilt ached through him, like something he couldn't describe. Magnus will be there for him, until he dies, but he will only be for Magnus, for an eye blink, to his boyfriend. He couldn't help but look away, guilt plastering his face. Magnus must have guessed what he was thinking; he took his face in his hands brushing his cheeks with his thumbs, "You know that, right? That I will always be there for you?"

"Yes of course I do, it's just…" he was scrambling for the words, he might as well tell him the truth, "…I can't tell you how lucky I am, how happy I am that you're with me. But, it's just so hard." He sighed.

Shock made Magnus's eyes wide, his beautiful gold/green eyes; the eyes that Alec had always found so captivating.

"Hard?!"

"Yes, I mean it's frowned upon in shadow hunters and we don't really see Downworlders as people to socialise with, it's so hard to get more important shadow hunters to take me seriously. I just… I can't help but feel useless, like nothing." Alec replied, wanting to sink into a couch and curl up and cry.

"You're not nothing, not to Izzy, not to your mum, not to Jace, you're were the opposite of nothing to Max," that made him flinch, he shouldn't have brought it up, even though Alec had said he had gotten over it, every mention of his brother's name brought up the aching pain, that he should have been there for his brother when Sebastian killed him, like he was just a fly that needed to be swatted. That was it he couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't let Magnus see him like this, and he rushed of his boyfriends grip and locked himself in the master bedroom, curling into a ball, on the bed, trying to stop himself from crying. He didn't know how long it had been when he heard the click of the door, it could have been 2 minutes or it could have been 30, all he knew is that he didn't want anyone to see him like this, especially his boyfriend. What kind of shadow hunter cries, and hides?

.

"Alec, honey? Do you wanna talk about it?" he could hear the concern in his voice, the ache of guilt in his tone meant that he thought he had done something wrong, how could he put his boyfriend through thinking he had done something wrong?

"Not really, but I guess if you want me to…"

"Of course I want you to talk to me, the way you rushed off like that… But if you want to put up your big, shadow hunter, walls and sulk for the rest of the day, then I'll just have to deal with it."

"Fine, let's talk."

"If you insist..."

"Magnus!" he barked, "not in the mood, I just want to be left alone, but I have to have the most caring boyfriend a guy could have. So here you are looking at me, probably thinking I'm the most pathetic shadow hunter ever, and you're probably right. Because we both know I'm a terrible fighter. So go ahead and try and comfort me. I. Dare. You."

At that Magnus slid onto the bed taking his hand and lacing their fingers, looking deep into those startling blue eyes that constantly make him gasp to himself, at the purity inside.

"There is nothing about you that is pathetic or terrible." He said with an almost over-confident tone to his voice. "You know I can always just cover the conclave in glitter for eternity, or maybe…"

"I knew it! I knew that if I told you, you would want to do something like that!" Alec said, trying not to laugh.

"There you are, I knew you were still under that brooding, sullen shell."

_Dammit, every time!_

"You always make me smile, so that's not fair. Now if I was dating someone like Simon…"

A sudden outburst of laughter came out of him, Alec watched his boyfriends face, suddenly light and happy, but he could still see he concern in his eyes.

"Are you comparing me to Vampire Boy?"

"Well I have been thinking, if it doesn't work out with you…" A cheeky smile growing on his face.

"If you ever ditch me for Vampy, I will personally change your entire wardrobe to glitter, animal print and rainbow."

"Okay, okay, no need to get drastic. Would you ever leave me for someone else?" sheer concern plastering his face.

"Would I ever change my entire closet to look like I was an office worker? Alec, you have to stop thinking that you're not good enough for me, because without you I wouldn't be good enough for anyone."

Alec couldn't help himself, to be this close to Magnus for this long was hard enough, but with all this stress it just seemed to make him completely out of control. He leaned forward brushing his lips against his boyfriends, and when he leaned into it… there was a fierce pressure of being hurried and that each kiss would never be enough. A spark ignited between them, and there was a blaze running through every part of his body, burning hotter and brighter with every moment they touched. They're mouths were open and tongues were dueling, searching, longing. Hands on body, skin, fabric. Why fabric? There was no need for that, without thinking Alec searched for the hem of his shirt pulling it off over his head, it was almost painful to be disconnected from Magnus when the blaze between their bodies burned fierce and long. But there was still fabric, why?

"Ohh…"

"What is it?" Magnus said, eyebrows creased, but lips still locked with his.

"I was just…" he said between kisses, "wondering why you still have your shirt on?" he felt a smile against his lips, then the hot pressure on his jaw, throat, neck, collarbone, and back up to his lips, while his hands moved to the hem of his shirt, Magnus locked eyes with Alec, as though daring him to go further. Just as Alec's index finger made its way down the middle of his boyfriends' abs, his phone rang.

.

"Ungh!" he grunted in displeasure, broke off his attachment, and fished out his phone from his back pocket. It was Izzy, might as well answer it –

"Hello,"

"Hey, Alec, look I know I've been bugging you a lot lately, and I… "

"You don't say," he mouthed the words _Izzy_, Magnus sighed and laid back against the bed, knowing that this phone call could take a while. Well that was their fun ruined.

"… anyway, know you're with Magnus probably romancing it up, but I kinda need your advice."

_His advice? Why would she want his advice? He is terrible at anything she is interested in._

"My advice?" Alec said, letting all his shock and surprise seep into his voice.

"Yes Alec, your advice."

"What do you want me to give you advice about?"

"Umm, when you started dating Magnus, how did you know that you loved him? And that he loved you?"

"I guess that I just felt it, like a… uh… a spark, that always ignited when I saw him," he glanced at Magnus, who seemed to glow slightly.

"As for how do I know that he loves me?, Magnus had tensed, he felt it, "Well there is the fact that he is always caring for me, and the way that his eyes are always dark with concern when I go off fighting."

"Okay, thanks, see you later. Oh and Alec,"

"Yeah?"

"If Magnus is there, tell him that I want my eye-liner back."

"Okay, bye." The phone call ended. Alec looked up and saw Magnus staring at him.

"Umm, Izzy said that she wants her eyeliner back."

"You really feel a spark when you see me?" he asked, slowly moving closer towards Alec, he felt himself blush.

"Yeah, don't you?" suddenly concerned that Magnus didn't feel that little spark inside him when they saw each other. The little spark that grew bigger and bigger, into a blaze, when they kissed.

"I don't know, maybe. Does your spark ever get bigger, and how?" he said cautiously, trying to hide a cheeky smile.

Knowing where this was going, Alec replied with "Why don't I _show_ you?" At that Magnus let his smile show. Alec crawled across the bed, and straddling in Magnus's lap. They leaned into each other, tongues dueling and exploring. Alec smiled to himself, finally his shirt was off and he could feel the shapes of pectoral muscles, his flat stomach, _and those 'v' lines, god dammit_ he was suddenly very conscious of how he might look and feel to Magnus, that thought was quickly dispersed when there was a small mewling at the foot of the bed, _every time!_ They disentangled themselves to see Chairman Meow sitting on the bed, looking at Magnus hungrily.

"Go and find your own dinner, can't you see I'm busy?" he said indignantly.

"Don't worry, go feed him. I just want to know one thing…"

"And what's that?"

"Did you feel a spark?"

"I always feel a spark." He answered, and with that he winked, and got up to feed the cat.

Alec sat there staring after him thinking – _maybe a million paper cuts aren't so bad when you have someone to sit with you and help you heal._


	2. PLEASE READ!

UPDATE!

Hiya guys! Just wanted your opinion of which ship I should do next. More Malec? Or maybe some Clace, or Sizzy, or MaiaXJordan? Please let me know, so I can write more. Thanks ;3

Xxox


	3. They're Not Actually Paper Cuts

They're Not Actually Paper Cuts…

**A/N: This will not be connected to the previous Fanfic. This is probably really O.O.C. but I had an idea, and couldn't wait to get it written. There will be mainly Malec, and Clace, maybe some other ships, you never know… ;3**

**Xxox**

_I can't handle this anymore, not my parents, not the school, not society, no one! I feel so alone._ These thoughts are all running through my mind as I press the blade to my forearm and drag it down. Along the line of previous cuts. I let the blood drip into the sink, then go and rinse my cut. I may be depressed, but I don't want to die from an infection. I quickly put an old sweater on, and pull down the sleeves. That's when I hear a knock on our front door, I rush down the stairs and open the door, to find Clary on our front steps.

"Hey, Clare-Bear"

"Hiya!" she then pulls me into a bone-crushing hug, I wince when she accidentally applies pressure to the new cuts, and suck air through my teeth, hoping she doesn't hear. But of course she does. She gives me a look of pity and disappointment. She then grabs the collar of my sweater and literally drags me up to my room, slamming and locking the door behind us. She then grabs my wrist and (not so gently) pulls my sweater sleave up seeing the fresh cut, she begins the rant I could have foretold.

"Alec, you idiot! Why do you do this crap to yourself, I thought you understood last time I found you cutting! Alec, you can't continue doing this! What if one day you cut an artery or a vain? I care about you Alec, I care about you no matter what. I don't care that you're gay, I just can't stand you doing this to yourself." She ends, calming down. I pull her into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Clare-Bear, it's just sometimes I feel so alone." I whisper in her ear. That's when she pulls back, grinning like a crazy person.

"What are you thinking...?"

"Only, that I've decided on getting you a boyfriend, preferably the guy hosting a party tonight."

"He probably won't be interested in me though," I say as we start leaving the house and going to school.

"Don't worry, he's going to be totally into you. He's always had a thing for dark hair and blue eyes,"

"But what if he's not my type?" I ask. This makes her stop, then began walking again.

"What is your type, Alexander Lightwood?" she asks dramatically.

"Umm, they have to be fun, and cheerful, oh and colourful, and definitely understanding and caring and kind and hot!" I say, ticking everything off in my head.

"Good, like Jace Herondale hot, because I would like me some of that!" she exclaims, nudging me.

"I'll see if he can come to the party tonight, though it won't be too hard if I say you're going…" I mutter the last part.

"What?! Are you being serious? How long have you known?"

"Maybe, since the first time you came over, he told me he couldn't keep his eyes off you. I'm not even supposed to be telling you this, so don't tell anyone!"

"How could you have not told me?! He's been my crush for like ever! Wait…"

"What is it?" I say, slightly scared.

"What did you say to him, afterwards?"

"That he should totally ask you out, but he thought you wold say no to him. And I was just like 'dude, you've got it bad, if you think that she would reject you, you never think anyone would reject you.' And that's all I should probably say because he started telling me what he wanted to do to you, and it got very awkward very quickly…" I trailed off, shuddering from the memory."

"WHAT! Are you even sane bro! There is no way that is true,"

"Well, it is, and I have a very vivid memory of what he said and yeah…" I say, as we reach the front gates. This is where we have to go different ways, seeing as I'm like a grade above her.

"See ya, Clare-Bear" I say pulling into a hug, trying not to agitate my cuts. She stand on her tip-toes and whispers in my ear, and I can feel the dampness of tears hit my sweater as she says,

"How am I supposed to get proper hug when, you've got cuts all over?" and with that she walks away. _Ugh! Why does life have to be so complicated?_

*~* Time Skip *~*

I'm waiting for Clary at the front gates, because I know she will want to dress me up, and Izzy will definitely want to make-over Clary. That's when I see a familiar mop of red hair, being practically dragged by a head of ebony black hair. _Called it!_ As they walk up to me, and we start back to our house, I hear them still arguing.

"But Izzy, I don't want to!"

"Too bad Clary, we are going to make you look hot and sexy for Jace, isn't that right Alec?"

"Yup, he's going to be practically drooling when we're done," I say smiling at her, she shoots me the most venomous glare, I've ever seen and says what I've been dreading the whole walk.

"Fine, but I get to do Alec!" my face instantly drops the smile.

"Okay, that's fine with me." Izzy says, obviously happy that we got clary to let her do the make-over. I don't normally do much, just sit in the room and give a final approval of the outfit. As we walk up the steps to our house, I open the door to Jace on the couch, only in his jeans, just channel surfing, both Izzy and I glance at clary, who has her mouth wide open. When Jace finally looks up, she snaps her mouth closed and just smiles.

"You guys go ahead, I've gotta talk to Jace for a sec."

"Mhmm" clary responds, and turns a bright shade of pink when Izzy whispers something in her ear. I walk over to Jace and sit next to him.

"So, why's clary over?" he asks trying to act casual.

"Izzy wants to make her over, for a party tonight. Which I am being dressed for by Clary, you should totally come."

"And why's that" he asks, but I can see he's already decided to come.

"Well, first – Clary will be there. And second – I heard there was gonna be alcohol, so anything you say you can blame it on that." I respond, knowing for sure he's going to come now.

"Okay, I guess…"

"Yay! Now the party starts at 7, and I have to go supervise the make-over, then it's my turn. So we'll meet her at like 6:30."

"Mkay" he replies.

I rush upstairs, and make sure that clary hasn't strangled Izzy, I knock on Izzy's door. And enter to see clary in an old t-shirt of Izzy's, her hair in curlers and Izzy applying make-up to her face.

"So what are you wearing tonight?" I ask

"Check the bed," Izzy mutters. So I walk over, and find a knitted dress, that starts with silver at the top and 'dissolves' into black, it's long sleaved, and very short, I would say it stops just after mid-thigh. The shoes are black, and are like boots but with a heel and laces **(I don't know what they're actually called, just search 'black heeled boots with laces' yeah – back to the fanfic!)**.

"Jace won't be able to keep his hands off you," I comment,

"Wait until I get to you, Alec. The host won't be able to stop himself." Clary says,

"Who is the host anyway?" I ask,

"Someone who is definitely your type."

"Why can't you just tell me?"

"Because, where's the fun in that?" just at that moment Izzy steps back,

"Done, now Alec turn around so she can get changed!" I do as I'm told and wait for the signal to turn around again.

"Okay, she's done. What do you think?" Izzy asks. I turn round, and Clary looks stunning.

"Wow, Izzy, she looks beautiful, you've really outdone yourself." I comment,

"Only the best for my brother," we both give her a weird look, "You know, the not-gay one."

"Okay, so now time for me to make you fabulous!" Clary exclaims. She grabs my hand and pulls me to my room, closing the door. _You're in for it now!_

**So I know I'm a terrible person, for not posting for soooooy long, but I was distracted and stuff, but this will be a 2-shot so I will update soon, with the next instalment – also I would like to add that there will be Malec in the next chapter, but this had to be written, for this whole fanfic to be understood. So yah, hope you enjoyed, I would love some reviews ;3**

**Xxox**


	4. They're Not Actually Paper Cuts 2

They're Not Actually Paper Cuts…. Part 2

**So, I'm actually updating (Feeling proud! (Shut up I was in China for 2 weeks!)) Any way on with the fanfic! ;3**

**Xxox**

So I'm sitting on my bed, while shirts and jeans are being thrown around everywhere. _She better clean these up!_

"Decided on something yet?" I ask.

"Nearly" I hear a muffled shout from my wardrobe. I decide to go check on Jace.

"I'm going to check on Jace, you better know what I'm wearing, by the time I get back, or I'm picking!" I shout as I leave the room. Walking down the stairs, I wonder who the host of this party is. I knock on Jace's door, and enter his room. Only to find him standing in a towel, looking at the 5 outfits he has chosen. Now I may have gotten over my little crush on him, but I still know that he has an amazing body. I catch myself staring for probably a bit longer than I should and straighten up. I walk over to him.

"Hey Jace," I say

"Oh, hey Alec. Can you help me with something?" he asks

"Yeah sure, what is it?"

"Should I wear the black jeans with grey sneakers and maroon button down. Or, the black jeans with blue sneakers and forest green button down?" he asks, I pretend to think but I already know the maroon looks so much better on him.

"The maroon definitely."

"Cool, that's what I was thinking as well."

"Okay, well I should probably go, before Clary ruins my entire room."

"Yeah sure, see you soon." I hear him say, as I'm closing the door. I rush up to my room to find it practically sparkling.

"Okay, so I was just reminded why you have a crush on him," I breathed.

"And why you had a crush on him! I haven't got competition have I?" she exclaims.

"Not from me," I say, "So, have you decided on what I'm wearing?" I ask.

"Um, yeah!" she says dragging me over to the bed. On which is a pair of black jeans, and short sleeve button down shirt – like Jace's, but instead of maroon, it's deep blue and has small, white, anchors scattered all over. On the floor, I see she has paired the outfit with some black sneakers.

"Alec is getting some tonight!" she says.

"One thing," I say, rolling up my sleeves, "These," I lift up my forearms.

"Well, you can either embrace them, or we can use make-up"

"I'll go with the make-up,"

"And what's your cover if it smudges?"

"Ummm, I was carrying heaps of files and stuff, and they slipped out my arms, and gave me paper cuts. And my friend said that I should cover them up, so it doesn't look like I'm cutting, HAHAHA!"

"Yeah, maybe not the laugh at the end…"

"Yeah sure just let me get changed,"

"No," this made my eyes practically bulge out of my sockets.

"If I'm dressing you I get to see you, don't worry you can keep you boxers on."

"Fine," I say starting to strip. _Well, this is awkward…_

"Okay, I'm just gonna turn around, tell me when you've got your pants on." Clary says. I put my black jeans on, and tap clary on the shoulder. She turns around and makes a remark that brings colour to my cheeks.

"You know, you could just go like that, I'm not sure anyone would mind…"

"Clary!"

"What? I'm just stating the facts. Now pass me the shirt." I move back to the bed and grab the shirt, passing it to her. Then she puts the shirt on me, like seriously, I could have done that myself.

"Now you button it up, while I go get some make-up for you", she says leaving the room. I quickly button my shirt, and wait for Clary to come back. When she comes back, there so many products in her arms.

"What are they for, I thought you were just covering them up?"

"Well, we need to tone, contour, blend, etcetera, etcetera…"

"For a girl who doesn't wear make-up, she sure knows a lot about it,"

"I may not wear it, but I do know how to! Now come here,"

"Okay…" I mumble as I walk towards her, dragging my feet. I sit down and she begins put slightly different shaded dabs against my forearm, which she then wipes completely off, and starts again but with the same shade. Then adds another liquid thing, and powder. The whole process takes about ten minutes for both arms. _Is this really what girls spend their time on?_

"Done!" she exclaims happily. When I look down at my arms, you wouldn't even be able to tell that there was cuts or even make-up.

"Oh my gawd! It looks so good, thanks Clary!"

"No problem, now let's go get you some!"

We're just waiting in the living room for the others, so we can all leave to go to the party, and I'm just having a conversation with Clary about anything, and I hear her take in a sharp breath, I glance up at her face and she's staring at something behind me. So I turn around and see Jace looking stunning with his hair tousled just right and the tight fitting clothes. _Mmm, hot damn! Calm down, you're over him, and he totally has a thing for Clary…_

"Wow, Clary you look gorgeous" Jace says. _Is the great Jace Herondale blushing?!_

"Thanks Jace, you look really good as well…" Clary responds, I still don't understand how neither of them can see how much the other has totally fallen them.

"Oh my god, you guys! Can you just make out already!?" and that would be Izzy. Both Clary and Jace blush.

"I'm just gonna go get something to eat, and then we can leave" clary says and hurries off to the kitchen.

"Yeah, same" Jace says and hurries after her.

"Izzy! Seriously, you couldn't have waited until they were just slightly intoxicated? Now we have to wait till at least one of them is completely drunk."

"Don't worry, I have a plan. Now let's get going!" she says loud enough for the others to hear, and they come scurrying out into the living room where we begin our journey to the mystery host.

**I will agree that I'm probably the worst person, and apparently this is now a three-shot, I know the suspense is killing, soz guys! ;3**

**Xxox**


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